by Nina

Photo by Sarit Z Rogers

“The books share a most telling message: As Ms. Samuel put it, “There is no right or wrong in grief; we need to accept whatever form it takes, both in ourselves and in others.” Recognizing loss as a universal experience, Ms. Devine hopes that “if we can start to understand the true nature of grief, we can have a more helpful, loving, supportive culture.”

Both authors emphasize that grief is not a problem to be solved or resolved. Rather, it’s a process to be tended and lived through in whatever form and however long it may take.” —Jane Brody, New York Times

When I read this short NY Times article Understanding Grief, I was struck by the simple profundity of Jane Brody’s description of grief as “a process to be tended and lived through in whatever form and however long it may take.”

This is the same message—that grief varies from person to person, both in the way it is experienced and in its duration—that I have been hearing ever since I’ve been looking into subject of yoga for grief. In my first post on yoga for grief, The Way Home: Yoga for Grief, Bonnie Maeda, a former hospice nurse and yoga teacher, who teaches yoga for grief and who herself experienced tremendous grief when one of her children was murdered, said:

“I believe grief needs to be felt fully, and the process of grief given as much time as it needs.” —Bonnie Maeda

These days I think this explains exactly why holding space is such an important tool for yoga for grief, both for those who are supporting people who are grieving and those who are grieving themselves. According to Beth, “Holding space means that we are present for others or ourselves. We hold space by witnessing ‘what is,’ without distraction, desire, or judgment. The focus of holding space is ideally on the process, not the outcome, even though the outcome of holding space may call for some type of action or response depending on the situation.” See Holding Space for more information.  For grief in particular holding space can provide a safe environment to allow the pain to run its course, which Megan Devine says is the way to survive grief:

“Unacknowledged and unheard pain doesn’t go away. The way to survive grief is by allowing pain to exist, not in trying to cover it up or rush through it.” —From It’s OK That You’re Not OK

The following posts by guests have all mentioned holding space as an important element of practicing yoga for grief:

1. In A Hospice Nurse on Yoga for Grief, hospice nurse and yoga teacher Erin Collins said:

“As a nurse, I allow their experience to unfold and gently encourage them to stay present with the dying person, to not have expectations about what is unfolding. To just be present, in the place and in the moment, where they are witnessing a natural cycle of life.”


2. In Yoga for Grief, Anger, and Shame Robin Sturis said:

“One of the ways that Phoenix Rising supported me in this and taught me to support others is through holding space. Holding space is the challenging process of being fully present to another without judgment, trying to fix, or having any expectations of outcomes. Many people have never had this experience. It can be moving and transformative. It helps us to begin to see that we have value in our own right, that we are worthy of love and acceptance and that we can choose to be with ourselves in a way that is likely different than anything we have previously experienced. It helps us to begin to understand that our self is not our Self and that we are more than what we have been taught we are, that we are more than our thoughts and emotions, that we are Divine beings just as we are.”

3. How I Came to Teach Yoga for Grief Lynne Glickman quotes Heather Stang:

“Mindfully relating to your grief means being fully aware of your experience of loss while simultaneously embracing whatever arises in you with compassion and loving-kindness.”

However, not everyone wants to—or is ready to—hold space. Erin Collins says that in holding space for others as a hospice nurse, she has found that some people need to do “something—anything—to get their mind off of their loss” even as others “need to pause and experience the raw emotion and allow it to wash out of them completely so that they can move forward in life.”

For someone who needs to do something other than holding space, yoga provides several different options for helping you cope. In my post Yoga as a Healthy Coping Mechanism I have recommendations for when:

  • You need a break in the intensity
  • You’re feeling stuck
  • Your nervous system is over-stimulated
  • You’re exhausted or fatigued

Hopefully the combination of holding space as needed with the ability to use your practice to support you in other ways will allow you to tend and live through the process of grieving in “whatever form” and “however long” it takes.

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