Embodying Core Qualities Through Yoga: Clarity

by Beth

“Everyone sees the unseen in proportion to the clarity of his heart, and that depends upon how much he has polished it.” —Rumi

As we can see from Rumi’s quote, clarity is an essential building block for understanding who you are and for understanding what difficulties you face, how they make you feel, and why you react or respond to them the way you do. Clarity builds mental/emotional strength.

Clarity means seeing things as they are, not how you want or wish them to be. It’s the ability to observe yourself, your life, and the world as it is, not hidden behind a veil of wishful thinking or denial. Finding and practicing clarity is a necessary first step in living authentically. It takes courage (see Embodying Core Qualities Through Yoga: Courage), and, if you are like me, it will take more than one or two tries to get clear about yourself and the issues and situations you face in life.

Here’s an example from my life:  Growing up as a Black woman (my preferred designation since ‘human’ is not an option on census forms), I was forced to become socially self-aware in order to navigate my way through life in the face of prejudice and bias from others. My mother and my great aunt drilled lessons in self-reliance and independence into me from toddlerhood. What I heard was, “You have to get an education and a good job. You must always be independent and self-reliant because you will face a world that is stacked against you.” I interpreted those lessons to mean I am always responsible for how people see and treat me. And if I fail, it’s my fault. As a result of that clouded perception, I struggled into adulthood as a people-pleasing over-achieving co-dependent maladaptive perfectionist (see Yoga Therapy for Perfectionism).

Was I hard on myself trying to do it all? Yes. Did I think I was working with a clear understanding of my situation? Yes. Was I, really? No.

How did I finally gain some clarity? Reflection.

Reflection is a process of deep learning about yourself. In yoga it is known as svadhyaya, a Sanskrit term meaning self-study and the study of traditional yoga texts, such as the Upanishads, Samkyha Darshan, or the Bhagavad Gita. The clarity you gain from the process results in the ability to navigate life from a calm center, no matter the swirls, whirls, and storms that will inevitably surround you. You will:

• Find better solutions for your issues
• Manage stress
• Improve relationships that can be improved
• End toxic relationships that cannot be improved
• Lessen the tendency to judge yourself and others
• Understand what you can and cannot control

Here’s a practice to help you gain more clarity about your life and how you are living it.

Reflection: A Life Stage Review

“The traditional Indian culture promoted four Ashramas, or stages of spiritual life, that provided a simple framework of life planning for the spiritual aspirant. Each Ashrama defined a level of spiritual practice based on the duties and responsibilities required at each stage of life.” — from yogabasics.com

According to yoga tradition, we all pass through these stages from birth to death. Here is a brief description:

1. Student: As a student (or child) one learns about one’s role in family and society.
2. Adult: As an adult one raises a family and/or makes a contribution to society through relationships, work, or volunteer efforts.
3. Mid-Life: One begins the preparatory work for later life and retirement for those with jobs and careers.
4. Golden Years: One may decide to turn the final years into a focused opportunity for creativity, volunteer work, hobbies, travel, caring for family, and/or spiritual pursuits, etc.

The Assignment

Select, reflect, and write down honest answers to one of the following questions using your life stages. You can always come back and choose another question, but start this process with one question that speaks to you right now.

The Questions

• How do I think/feel about my life?
• What do I need/want?
• Why do I act the way I do?
• What do I believe about  ____________ (fill in the blank)?

Instructions

Part 1: Jot down your current life stage. Reflect and answer your chosen question as honestly as you can.

Part 2: Now think about yourself in your prior life stage. Jot down what your answer was at that time. Are they the same, similar, or different? In what ways? Do you know why?

Part 3: Now think about yourself in your next life stage. What would you like the answer to be when you reach it? If you feel that you are in the last stage of your life, re-consider your answer to question 1. Do you want to add or change anything?

Part 4: Compare your answers and journal on any changes that stand out from your three answers. Consider reflecting on the following points:

• What have I learned about myself?
• Have I gained clarity on any aspect of my life?
• How can I use what I’ve learned to gain more clarity in my life going forward?

As Kelly Clarkson says in a Wayfair commercial, “Uh huh, adult-ing ain’t easy.” True dat! But gaining clarity about who you are and getting clear about any issues you face will allow you to make a change, choose not to change as long as you are prepared to deal with the consequences or find your way to acceptance and peace if no change is possible.

 

Beth’s self-awareness newsletter is published six times a year. It features informative, inspiring and entertaining tips for finding clarity, contentment, and resilience in a complicated world. For more information and to sign up for the newsletter go to www.bethgibbs.com.

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