by Baxter
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| Another View of Clear Water by Nina Zolotow |
After Nina posted yesterday about abusive yoga teachers (see When to Fire Your Yoga Teacher), we received a follow-up message from another reader who had a similar experience of being humiliated when she attended the workshop of a visiting teacher to her community. In her case, she voted with her feet and did not attend a follow-up visit by the same teacher this year, but instead chose to study with a local teacher, and loved her experience.
In discussing the humiliating teacher’s behavior with her regular teacher, the student was told, “That’s how they do it in India.” Well, this may indeed be true, but does it make this kind of behavior acceptable? In my own experience of studying with many teachers over the past 19 years at workshops and conferences and retreats, I have come across my fair share of angry, condescending, overtly or subtly demeaning behavior by teachers from at least two different traditions. In fact, I studied with a well-regarded teacher a few times before a more subtle way of demeaning students on a fairly regular basis made me decide to give up the class despite some “good” asana instructions I was learning. I could not justify continuing to support that kind of treatment of me or my fellow students.
I also heard stories about a teacher I came to respect about how he had been a bear to study with when he was younger and how he had mellowed out as he aged. I felt blessed to have missed his “abusive” period since I learned so much and witnessed compassionate behavior from him regularly. I did carry a background concern about whether the other side might re-surface at some point; fortunately, I never had to encounter that situation from this particular teacher.
I do feel that teachers who study in a “lineage” that permits or even subtly approves of this bullying, degrading treatment of students tend to be more likely to participate in such behavior and maybe are even drawn to it. I don’t want to get into some deep exploration of trauma and its long-term effects, as it is a complex topic and I am not an expert in it. But, as Nina pointed out yesterday, you can vote with your feet, and I myself have done so more than once over the years. And that old observation that a happy customer tells one person about their experience, but a dissatisfied one will tell ten certainly has played out for me. I am asked all the time for referrals to other teachers or recommendations for teachers to study with at conferences. If a student happens to ask about a teacher I have had a bad experience with, I will recommend someone else instead. I do not always go into the why of it, but do on occasion share my specific experience if I know that my personal experience was also confirmed by other yoga friends of mine. The good news is that we have more and more choices all around the country—and even internationally—when it comes to yoga instructors. So, don’t settle for anything less than a good instructor who is also respectful and kind.
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I once took lessons with a man who has a tremendous ego. I won’t say his name but he has a national reputation. He really does know a lot but he is rude and arrogant to students. One day a woman in the class was having her last class with him because she was moving out of town. After class she thanked him for all she had learned in studying with him for four years, and she was gushing about how much she would miss him. He cut her off, saying, “Too bad you are moving. You need a few more years with me before you are decent.” Then he abruptly walked away, leaving her looking hurt. That was the day I started looking for a new teacher. One of the older students told me that his lineage does not believe in praising students, but how would it have been a bad thing to wish that student well or to say that he has seen growth in her over the years. As you said, I voted with my feet and I have also warned other people about his arrogance.
Joanne
I was physically and verbally abused as a child by my parents and also verbally abused by gym teachers as a very awkward, tall girl. I still have insecurities and generally avoid "gym classes" at all costs but want to improve my emotional and physical health. In yoga, I found a physical practice to which I am drawn at many levels. Schedules what they are, I sometimes take classes with different teachers. One day, I was having a particularly hard time both with physical exertion and my emotional response to "failure." I took a break from a pose to rest a moment and compose myself (I was fighting tears) and the teacher swept by and commented, "You'll never progress if you don't try." A negatively phrased comment is never encouraging, and in my case was a deal breaker. I won't pay to hear failure messages. I never took a class with her again.
I went to a particular workshop offered by a certain instructor, and will never attend another one by this person, due to their arrogant and rude comments to his students when it came time to move into seated Lotus. Now, when I was seven, I could pop into this (I didn't know it was Lotus back then!) AND walk around on my knees in it, as well, but that was a few decades ago. So as most of us could not go into it, he was observing us, and remarks, "Oh come on, it is Lotus, it isn't that difficult!" but he was very, very serious about it-there was no joking or lightness at all. He was truly confounded that us everyday people could not get into a full Lotus. I almost up and left then, but I think I was trying to process that this "teacher" was rude, condescending, and just an arrogant piece of work. I will never, ever go to another one of his events again.
Thanks for both posts on this topic.
It helps so much to know that I am not the only one who has gone through this. I too was trying to heal from domestic abuse through yoga but instead found myself in an abusive yoga class. I've only become stronger and more determined to avoid situations like this. Thanks for all your stories!